https://slama.dev/comeback/
Hey bro, I'm not late.
I was here this morning already, just popped out for a little something to go with the beer.
What's that?
Is that some kind of panel?
It's a new security system, Mr. Ozzak.
For the insurance.
Bro, didn't you say you don't want any technology in the store?
I said I don't want any techno in the store.
This is your code, memorize it.
I'll never remember that in my life.
Mr. Ozzak, what's so hard about 847-24869?
It's making my head spin.
Bimbo!
It went off again.
The nice man said it's a very sensitive device.
Ozzak, leave it!
Watch, punch in that code!
You hear me?
Ozzak!
You hear me?
Ozzak!
Marcelka, turn off the alarm, quick!
What happened?
Are you alright?
I had a terrible urge to lick my paws.
Stop, or else.
Wait, that alarm sounds like a school bell.
Of course, Ozzak went through a phase where he was terrified of school.
No, school is a disguised prison.
When he heard the bell, he'd start barking and the teacher would throw him out of class.
He got the same note 250 times: hits and barks when I arrive.
Right, but what are we going to do about our alarm?
Nothing, Ozzak has to learn the code.
Yeah, you look like a model in this one again, while I look like a potato.
Stop it, please.
It's probably the photographer.
Maybe he only photographs vegetables.
Hey, girls.
Hey.
Hi, girls.
But you look healthy here.
Kind of like a sprout.
Iva, my passport photo is going to be ugly.
You should see Ozzak's ID card.
He's eleven in it and had to draw in the hair and beard.
Think that would help?
Just don't use a green marker like Ozzak did.
Why were you getting photos taken anyway?
For a passport.
Are you going somewhere?
No, but where would we want to go?
Well, I'd have to let you go first.
And you wouldn't let me?
I would, but you'd have to ask.
See, like to Paris, to Montmartre, to see Amelie.
Who's Amelie and why are you going to Paris to see her?
Actually, Sasa found a great DVD rental place.
In Paris?
No, around the corner.
Dad, Amelie from Montmartre is a movie.
And why do you need a passport?
I need two documents with photos so they can make us an ID card.
Ivuska, a DVD rental around the corner, that's the dumbest excuse I've ever heard.
But it's true, Mr. Pacovsky, it opened yesterday.
Yeah, and they have a tea room there too.
Right, a tea room, in a newly opened DVD rental.
Is that the bell?
You have a dog?
That must be the new dogs from the army.
Your dog is in the army?
Paris International?
A modeling agency.
What?
Iva got a letter from a modeling agency?
Isn't she a bit too young?
On the contrary, it's high time.
Hi.
Hey.
Hi.
Paris International.
A modeling agency.
Dear applicant, the committee has accepted your application for the international modeling course.
Wait, this must be a mistake, I didn't send anything to any agency.
Read on.
Send your photograph on a theme of your choice and include a short resume.
If you advance to the next round, you will participate in a week-long internship in Paris.
Someone's been messing with me again, right?
You think I won't figure it out?
First a passport, then a letter from Paris.
I don't know anything about this letter.
You don't?
In that case you probably won't mind if I forbid it.
Tomas, don't be so hard on her, this is great news for her.
What's so great about my daughter wanting to do modeling?
Modeling?
That's fantastic!
I knew she was cut out for it.
And you?
I saw it ages ago.
Too bad you didn't think of it sooner, we could've started at six.
Ozzak, I don't know, isn't it a bit early?
What do you know about it?
My buddy Pecka started with his kid at four.
Ivuska, do you even have any pumps?
Pumps, pumps are for little boys.
I'll be right back.
Pumps.
Typical Ozzak.
He knows nothing about modeling but has an opinion.
When the only expert from practice here is me.
You were a model?
Yeah.
I was Miss Tangerine of the Fruit and Vegetables company, 1982-83.
Wait, I'll show you a photo.
Aren't you a bit short for a model?
That didn't matter back then at all.
I was a huge success.
Wherever tangerines appeared, there was an enormous line.
Ivuska, I thought you had some sense.
You have no idea what awaits you out there.
Geez, Dad, I don't know anything about this letter, I swear.
Right now you have no idea what the job involves and you have nothing to start with.
Worst case, I'll break open my piggy bank.
Look, that's me.
You're simply too short and too old for a model.
Tomas?
Are we on first-name terms?
No, that wasn't meant for you.
Nice, orange.
Now among those twelve-year-old beanpoles you don't stand a chance.
Dad, that's really mean right now.
Would you really forbid it?
I wouldn't forbid it, I am forbidding it.
But you have no right.
I do.
You definitely need parental consent and I'll...
Not give it!
Tomas, don't be so hard on her, it's pointless.
My father forbade it too.
He was a wise man.
I haven't spoken to him since.
Modeling is a profession like any other.
Modeling is a front for human trafficking.
Tomas, you really know nothing about it, do you?
She's not going, and that's final.
Here, look at this.
This is better than pumps.
We need to let this settle.
Dad's completely out of touch.
Not only is he a hundred years behind, in his world apes are still swimming in the ocean calling themselves fish.
And that letter was a pretty dumb idea too.
It must have been Lexa, I'll kill him.
It wasn't Lexa.
Then who else, I don't just leave my photos lying around, do I?
Well, sometimes you do.
What is it?
I was looking for a photo where I'd look good and couldn't find one, and yours was really pretty.
And then I realized that sending it under my name would be fraud.
So why did you want to be a model anyway?
Everyone likes models and everyone notices them.
They date football players.
Do you like it?
No, well, let's just take the letter, throw it away and forget about it.
No wait, Iva, it'd be a shame, since we're already in the second round.
We're in the second round?
The trip is for the model and her companion.
So what?
Well, if an expert committee selected me.
Iva, you're amazing.
Yeah, but the deadline is in a few days.
Don't worry, I'll write your resume and I've already got a photographer.
We're going to Paris.
Does it say anywhere why it keeps going off on its own?
No.
But I found a short story in Croatian in here.
Well, that probably won't help us, will it?
The main thing is we need to figure out how Mr. Ozzak can remember the code.
That won't be in the manual.
Bro, I was just thinking it'd be best if I didn't come here as long as this thing's here.
It's going to be here forever.
Ozzak, you can't skip out of here like you did school.
You work here.
You're not going to leave me at its mercy.
Mr. Ozzak can't be here alone.
What if he bites someone?
What's so hard about remembering one stupid number?
Look.
Marcelka, is there something in the manual about changing the code?
Wait.
Here it is.
Press the asterisk for seven seconds.
I want eight ones.
You should be able to remember that.
I'm not good at this.
I'll panic and punch in eight twos.
Hold on, bro, listen.
It fits and that's it, it has to work.
Let's try it, come on.
Great, keypad.
And done.
But nothing about melodies in here.
This remembers itself.
But it's proven that memory retains important dates better, like a birthday.
Good lord, who remembers their birthday?
For example, my code is the exact date and hour when Zoran got Czech citizenship.
I have a clear vision.
Beauty and the Beast.
The contrast between beauty and danger is all the rage now.
And how do you want to do that?
I was thinking we'd go to the zoo and lock you in a cage with a tiger for a bit.
What if something happens to me?
I only need a few minutes.
Lexa, the model is supposed to survive the shoot, did that occur to you?
A tiger will rip my head off.
Beauty has to hurt.
I'm not getting into any cage.
Then we'll take a tamer animal, a bunny, a kitten, or a pony.
But a pony isn't bloodthirsty, we need something exciting, something dangerous, for the emotion.
No tiger and no big cats, period.
Right, Lexa, something obedient, so it doesn't rip Iva's head off.
Iva, Mr. Ozzak isn't an animal.
Hi!
Hey, look what you're missing.
Those exhaust pipes are actually chrome.
We need to photograph Iva with some animal, are you in?
Sure, no problem.
I knew you wouldn't pass up this chance, Ivuska.
But don't tell Dad about it.
I can't lie to him.
But you don't have to tell him either.
I'll be unreadable like Zoran's accounts.
But hurry, that Harley won't glue itself together.
So where's the animal I'm supposed to photograph?
I'm the photographer.
Oh.
Fine, where's the animal?
You have to make it.
Out of what?
You'll be the animal.
Right.
Me, an animal?
I'm a human being.
Or, or am I not?
Is there a problem here?
We want to photograph Iva with some dangerous creature, for the beauty and the beast contrast.
Great idea, Lexa, that's trendy right now.
According to research, an ad with an animal is the second most effective, right after full-frontal nudity.
Full-frontal nudity?
Like, completely?
That's a hundred thousand percent better than an animal.
Forget it.
No changes to the plan, got it?
Got it.
Good for you, Iva.
You have to stick to your principles.
They asked me too if I'd pose for a collection in the nude.
I refused.
But be careful, working with animals isn't a walk in the park either.
During a fur coat shoot, a fox bit me once.
Lucky it didn't have venomous teeth.
I'm not an animal, I have an ID card now.
No, no, you'll just play the dangerous animal, Ozzak, it's in you.
Well, you do look dangerous.
I really look dangerous, bimbo?
You look like a bum.
Well then, you're not just saying that?
Trust me, you're a textbook vagabond.
I always wanted to play villains.
Winnetou and Superman, Grandma.
Like how she threw kids over fences.
Great.
So we can shoot it right here.
And we'll call the collection "Pretty Salesgirl Threatened by a Vagabond."
No, I've got something better.
"Vagabond Threatens Pretty Salesgirl."
I don't know, won't that be too much fiction?
Fiction?
Ivuska?
For me, that's everyday reality.
Today's youth is such a bunch of wimps.
I see, so that's why you're on your third glass.
What did Iva do now?
A whole country of fools.
First, she gets passport photos taken.
Second, she gets a letter from Paris to become a model.
And third, she claims it's a mistake and thinks I won't figure it out.
Be glad, please.
Sasa would never enter a competition.
And even if she did, they'd pick Iva anyway.
Yeah, but she's got plans and she won't tell me.
That's the thanks for everything.
Maybe it really is a coincidence.
She coincidentally needs a passport and coincidentally gets picked as a model.
And coincidentally forgot to tell you.
Too many coincidences at once, don't you think?
Look, don't worry.
You can't last in modeling forever anyway.
Parties, cocaine, one-night stands, you get tired of it eventually.
That's not exactly the best way to calm me down.
Point taken.
I've got something better for you.
Now that might actually calm me down.
So after the fifty-first, you need to look as menacing as possible, Mr. Ozzak.
Grr!
That would only scare a small child.
Imagine you want to rob her.
I don't want to rob anyone.
Imagine you have to receive a shipment.
Receiving shipments is your job, bimbo.
That's it.
Now try it on Iva.
Receiving shipments is your job, Ivuska.
Try threatening her with that machete.
Cut open her neckline.
Nobody's cutting any necklines.
We've been shooting for three hours and don't have a single photo.
Ozzak, imagine it's not Iva but someone from Moravanka.
What?
And did you know heavy metal came from disco?
What are you talking about?
It's true.
And now it's going back to its roots.
You're asking for it, bimbo?
Led Zeppelin are touring with Tokio Hotel.
Metallica is recording Britney Spears singles.
Ozzy cut his hair and started dating Celine Dion.
Lexa, Lexa, get it, go, get it, go.
Lexa, Lexa.
Lexa, you were supposed to photograph him.
Wow, Iva's not even in it.
What's going on here?
Nothing, Mr. Pacovsky.
Testing the alarm.
Yeah, testing the alarm.
We discovered it doesn't work properly.
Well, we already know that.
We wanted to change the ring to a siren, but that doesn't work either.
We know that too.
And now we're about to look inside.
Right.
And why does Lexa have a camera?
For insurance documentation.
So they don't think we're frauds.
And why is Iva all dressed up?
So she looks nice in the photos.
Why would she need to?
No, in case those insurance guys might be interested.
They have very refined taste.
Look, you think I can't tell you're photographing Iva for that competition?
No way, no.
You think I'm an idiot!
Have you all completely lost your minds?
Don't be mad at me anymore, Dad.
The worst part is it all happened behind my back.
But that's not my fault, it was Sasa.
You always say that.
No, I always say it was Lexa.
And on top of everything, exploiting Ozzak.
The photos are unusable anyway.
In all of them his eyes are closed and he's cringing.
That's because he's afraid of flashes.
And?
At eleven he got caught outside in a big thunderstorm.
Alone in the mountains.
And what does that have to do with photography?
Since then, he flinches at the last second in every photo with a flash.
How come I never noticed that?
Do you remember us ever taking a photo together?
Yeah, once.
I'm turned with my back in it.
Well, that was a faster reaction.
That's terrible.
I don't want to imagine what would happen if he saw a strobe light.
Hey, hi.
Hey.
Hey, Lexa.
So?
We picked one and sent it right away.
Mr. Ozzak is in the background.
I'd call it rage.
The central figure is Mr. Pacovsky.
What?
This is what you sent?
We all look like idiots here.
You sent my photo, are you crazy, what if I ended up in the tabloids?
Let me see.
Not bad.
Rage, you say?
I look pretty authoritative here.
Well, definitely.
Like a guy who doesn't take any nonsense.
And look how terrified Ivuska looks.
All thanks to you!
And you've got instant respect, huh?
And look at Mr. Ozzak.
Yeah, he always looks like that.
Dear applicant, your photograph caught our attention.
What, so they picked you?
Unfortunately, from the submitted information we determined you are too young and too old for modeling.
How old?
You're only sixteen.
However, we would like contact information for the terrified bum and the puffy man in the photograph with you.
That would be you?
What do they want from us?
An offer of lucrative collaboration from the company Schiele Auge, based in Geneva.
Lucrative?
Will it hurt?
That means there'll be money, Uncle.
Then what are we waiting for?
Wait, what does the company do?
Who cares?
Money is money.
They were probably impressed by Ozzak's terrified expression.
What expression?
Let's go.
Yes, yes, I know.
And you look twenty kilos heavier again.
Models.
So what?
So I'm puffy, bro has issues with flash, but we're going to Switzerland.
Unlike some people.
Awesome, bro.
What about parental consent?
You suddenly don't need that anymore?
Fine, Ivuska, can we go to Geneva?
You can.
I won't stand in the way of your happiness.
Unlike some people.
So, bro, let's show them!
Like the old days.
Wait.
What?
You don't have a passport.
I can travel on my ID card, right?
You mean that six-year-expired rag?
We wouldn't even make it to Budejovice.
Easy, bro.
Just smuggle me across the border in the trunk.
Like that time we went to see Queen in Budapest.
Times have changed.
Exactly.
They have bigger trunks now.
It's broken.
It keeps going off.
You're talking too loud.
What?
You're talking too loud.
This is a complex machine.
It reacts to sound levels.
It's not just any gadget, lady.
Don't call me lady.
You're mashing the keys too hard.
I've explained that to you, I'm sure.
You'll see.
One.
Two.
Yes.
Adjust the sound level limit, resolder the circuit, reverse the polarity of the determinator.
That long?
Five minutes?
If I had my notebook here.
You could bring it.
Do whatever you want, but just get rid of it.
Couldn't you just disconnect the ringer?
Or something.
Then do that!
Goodbye.
Funny, what you want, that's what everyone wants in the end.
That'll be five hundred crowns.
Uncle, you're alive, let's celebrate!
Oh man, you have no idea how glad we are.
To be home again.
Wherever you've been, you said four days and you were gone a week, what happened?
This, what a fiasco.
And what about you, how were things here?
What, home alone, girl?
It was all good, just like Paris.
Iva, I'm starving like a wolf.
Where did you get this?
I broke open the piggy bank.
And here's some wine to celebrate.
French, original.
Where did you buy it?
At that DVD rental place.
They have a wine shop now too.
I see.
So tell me, how was Switzerland?
Well, we never actually made it to Switzerland.
How come?
All through Germany, no problem, then Ozzak climbs into the trunk before the Swiss border.
We're pulling up, the border guard waves us through, all normal.
But?
But.
Then someone floored it, couldn't brake, crashed into a parked car, the alarm went off, Ozzak started barking in the trunk, the customs officers came, drew pepper spray and weapons.
I still don't understand why they mind someone having an animal in the trunk.
They locked us in a cell and refused to believe Ozzak is a decent person and not a vagabond.
They even put cuffs on me.
Luckily on the front paws.
Hmm.
The agency, they apparently came through, so...
So they rescued you?
Actually yeah, they came, got us out of the cell, then pulled out pepper spray, took photos and that was it.
The entire fee went to fines, the stay in the cell, and eye drops.
What about the photos, when will we see them?
Luckily never, the campaign will only be in Switzerland.
I still think the Indians are right.
Photos steal souls.
Or was it the other way around?
Photos are right, Indians steal souls, yeah.
Indians steal photos.
I think some photos should never be made public.
Yeah.
Everyone has a right to secrets.
Even models.
You're right, Dad.
As always.